Many people freak out when it comes to writing wedding vows, worried about getting it ‘right’ and forget to connect with what they really want to say…
My advice is, always speak from the heart and be authentic.
Don’t say anything that you are not comfortable to say publicly, but also remember you will only do this once, with each other, so you don’t want to regret not saying the things you want to say.
Some things to think about might be:
- Who do you want to be for your partner, husband or wife?
- What are you grateful for in this person?
- What promises or intentions do you want to make your person?
There is only one rule with your vows, that the following legal wording must be said;
as part of the Marriage Act 1961.
I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, [insert name], take you [insert name], to be my lawful* wedded* wife/husband/partner/spouse.
Other than the above wording you can say anything you want!!!!
Some examples might be; some couples choose to just say the legal wording and then they might say one or two lines to each other, that can either be the same or different, more personalised words.
Other couples choose to surprise each other on the day with their words, this is what I did at my own wedding. We wrote different, personalised vows to each other and the celebrant brings them for you, on a card or whatever they use and you can read them to each other on the day.
It is important to speak slowly, take your time, breathe and look up on commas and full stops, that kind of thing.
Then other couples have said the same vows to each other, other couples have recited poetry.
You get the idea, there is no right or wrong, speak from the heart.
- Don’t wait until the last minute to write your vow - When you get the feeling jot them down, don’t force it and I guarantee they will be perfect.
- Don’t try and say everything - Leave some good stuff for your speech or the ceremony itself.
- Embrace sentimentality - The vows are the heart of the ceremony, so don’t hold back, go for it, but of course it is YOUR day so do what you like, if you are not comfortable saying them in public perhaps write them to your partner in a note and give them to each other on the day of the wedding, maybe that morning but you risk ruining your make up when you cry though!
- Have a laugh - I think humour is important, especially if you don’t take yourself too seriously, who doesn’t love a giggle to break the emotions up, also if you make each other laugh a lot IRL then use it.
- Promises to each other - Try to avoid finite language like “always” “never” let’s be realistic about what you promise to each other and why, avoid just saying vows that are “I promise you this, I promise you that” some are good, but not the whole lot.
- Look at examples, get inspired - I have some fantastic examples and you are welcome to have a look and see if any lines or phrases speak to you and don’t be shy, use them if you can.
- Avoid repeat after me - I am not a fan of repeating after the celebrant. I believe it should be between you two (But that’s just me).
- Verbal love contract - Think of your vows as a verbal love contract, a public contract that all your guests are witnesses for, so they can hold you accountable if you slip up in the future.
- Don’t be afraid to say I love you - let’s face it everyone is there for the money shot and we want to see you in love and not afraid to express it to each other. But, you can choose to save some words for just you...
You can find non-traditional examples of vows on Documents & Designs and in Bride Magazine. Alternatively, I have my own vow examples that I allow my clients to see, so Book Me and you have access to these.
